rest…

Confession:

I used to feel guilty about napping. And sleeping in. And going to bed early. And listening to my body. And pausing. And anything that was the opposite of working hard.

In fact, I’ve spent a lifetime dishonoring my body. It’s been a learned and inherited disconnection from my intuition. But the longer I’ve gone through therapy, the deeper into my spirituality I’ve grown, the more I realize that ignoring the urge to rest is just another form of disembodiment.

Another way to detach. Another form of ignoring my inner knowing. A way to stifle the gentle nudging of self-care.

Cuz’ truth be told, I’ve always known when I needed a nap. I know when I need to stop. But resting isn’t noble. We don’t get acknowledged for how much rest we took in the between time. Instead, what we often hear more about is the lack of sleep. The push through. The burn out that got us to the finish line. With societal programming and, honorable mention here, being raised by Caribbean women, rest was not on the agenda for me.

Rest has been synonymous with lazy. My grandmother once told me that young ladies are to be up when the sun is up. As women we’ve been assigned a role, whether we wanted it or not.  And that comes with responsibilities that require you to get a head start.

I’ve watched my mother work sixteen hours a day from the age of eight until I completed nursing school. How can one truly rest knowing your mother doesn’t? How can we ignore the guilt that is patiently awaiting our lids to close, so it can pry them open again?

Because even if I manage to close my eyes, is the mental rest actually happening? Is my nervous system resetting? When we haven’t embraced rest as a form of self-care, our rest provokes our to-do list.

Did I do enough today? Is the laundry done? Do I have scrubs for tomorrow? Even worse, the comparison to the random person on social we admire, who seems to have a perfectly executed to do list, minus the rest.

According to Oxford Languages, the definition of rest is an instance or period of relaxing or ceasing to engage in strenuous or stressful activity.

So maybe there are days when I’m not moving, but the strenuous activity of the mind doesn’t take a break. This has been my experience as a black woman who comes from black women.

How can I rest when I’m constantly replaying what I said at work, in hopes that my assertiveness didn’t clash with anyone’s fragility? This is a prime example of the hyper-vigilance that exists among black people in predominantly white spaces of work. Another thing that steals our rest.

According to the Bureau of Labor & Statistics, as of 2022, 66.4 % of nurses identify as white.

“A preoccupation with race among blacks leads to hyper-vigilance, a heightened awareness of their stigmatized status in society and a feeling that they need to watch their backs constantly,” says Lisa A. Cooper, M.D., M.P.H., a professor in the Division of General Internal Medicine at the Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine and senior author of the study in the American Journal of Hypertension.

www.hopkinsmedicine.org

So when do we rest? Because if it’s not work, it’s grind culture. It’s your 5-9 before your 9-5.

Or in our case, our 4-7 before our 7-7.

Or it’s the “sleep when you’re dead” mantra. Which, I get the concept of working hard to bring your vision to life, and also, I’m tired.

I’m exhausted.

And these days, if that makes me lazy, I’m kinda okay with it.

I started following a beautiful and informative account on social, @thenapministry which positions rest as a form of resistance and also examines how capitalism is one of the culprits that has pushed us into the arms of exhaustion.

So again, I ask the question, when do we rest?

The answer is now. Today. In this moment make a promise to re-commit to yourself and your wellbeing. Small daily steps towards first reconnecting with your own physical body and knowing what it needs.

When I work with new nurses, I always ask if they know what anxiety feels like in their body. I ask them to examine what a range of different emotions and experiences feel like in their body. Because you can’t feed yourself if you don’t ever recognize when you’re hungry.

So start with reconnecting. That gentle self- awareness will lead you onto a path of self-love. Softly inquire. What am I feeling? Where am I feeling it? What does it mean for me?

Therapy allowed me that. My therapist would often ask me, where are you feeling it? Such a new concept for me. Not only new to be allowed space to share what I’m feeling, but actually be given the opportunity to explore it. The time, the space. The care. Now I can gently guide myself through these moments. I often sit on the floor and rock and ask myself, what do we need and how can I provide that in this moment.

And sometimes it’s a nap. Sometimes it’s to cry. Sometimes it’s a snack.

Reconnection to your body is the first step in realizing that rest is okay. True, deep rest. Crying is a form of rest. It’s a form of putting it down. The things that’s too heavy. It’s a surrender to your own limitations. That surrender allows for mental rest. For clarity. For pieces of peace to peek through.

Then examine your programming. What have you been told about rest? What are the stories that come up? What, if any judgment, do you feel?

Go further into it. Who told you that? Why might they have told you that? How were they trying to protect you and themselves?

The more we’re willing to examine the why’s to how we betray ourselves and disconnect from our own bodies, the more comfortable we’ll grow in re-integrating those lost practices of self -care.

I’m releasing the shame that comes with honoring what I need. I’m releasing the pain that flares from harboring the stress. I’m allowing the gentle inquiries to guide me towards the rest I need.

Because when I honor my body, I allow my patients to do the same. When I listen to my intuition, it becomes easier to allow those entrusted to my care to do the same. I can remove my own bias that tells me I know best and allow my patients to guide their own healing. The more I reconnect with myself, the more connected I can become to others. The more attuned I am as their nurse. I won’t have to betray the whispers of my intuition that something is wrong. I’ll intervene faster. I can make decisions from an even deeper place of knowing. It’s all connected. Every little piece contributes to the puzzle that is nursing.

So today I invite you to take a deep breath and welcome the rest. Maybe five minutes today, maybe ten minutes tomorrow. But you deserve so much more than what you’ve been giving yourself.

HERE is my tool box for rest & self-care. I want to share that with you. Please do comment and add some more tools for those who may read after you.

I appreciate you, I’m here with you.

All my love,